The best lives of our year. Top 2013 gigs

The shows that shaped 2013.

Like sitting down with the box of mixed goodies (and shite) that you collect over Chrimbo, 
it's time to review all the contents. From tit mugs toGentleman's Relish and dodgy shirts.  So, here's a mercifully brief (and truth be told, mildly gin-soaked) rootle through some of the live highlights of what's been a bloody great year for live shows. 

10. Enter Shikari The Hatfield Forum 26th April 2013

A brilliant night for a brilliant cause (Action Aids's laudable Bollocks To Poverty). A jam packed, writhing hall in virtually a hometown show was treated to an orgy of throbbing, wobbing glory. 
Review here> 

9. Delta Sleep Catch Bar, Shoreditch, 23rd October 2013

A joyous evening of math mayhem and mastery. Four of the UK's best experimental and outré bands beguiled a sweating and exuberant trendy Shoreditch hipster attic full of beards and flat caps. Review here>

8. Deaf Havana Roundhouse, 26th October 2013

A truly moving and emotional culmination of years of bogs and dungeons. The erstwhile flatlanders blew the bloody impressive roof off an adoring locomotive shed in Chalk Farm. Special night. Special band. Extra special songwriting.  Review here>

7. Deftones Brixton Academy, 20th February

The coolest band on the planet sizzled on a freezing February night. World class show. And Chino talked. A lot. You 'eard. Review here>

6. Don Broco Roundhouse, 7th December

The loveable likely ladcore scallies savagely tore Chalk Farm a new gaping sphincter on their biggest, sweatiest, sexiest party night yet.  Expect even bigger things from these Bedfordshire bad(ish)asses. Review here>

5. The Dillinger Escape Plan KOKO, 8th November 2013

An astonishing and mesmerising beating up at the hands of the arch math murderers ably abetted by the magnificent Maybeshewill and the always-stunning Three Trapped Tigers.  Review here>

4. Liam Frost Old St Pancras Church, 2nd October 2013

Together with John Smith at The Union Chapel (mercifully attended, but sadly not reviewed), these had to be two of the most moving and extraordinary shows of the year. In a real church, the plaintive and heart-melting Mr Frost delivered beauty, pathos, emotion, warm smiles and genuine tears.  Review here>

3. Deaf Havana Unplugged Union Chapel, 15th April 2013

An incredible, life-affirming soireé in the company of the largely unplugged but bang on form East Anglian miscreants. A seminal and important evening in not only their development,  but the future of British rock music.  Review here>

2. Arcane Roots XOYO, 26th November 2013

A searing and jaw-dropping tour de force from one of the UK's very best bands. A sold out XOYO is the merest taster of the inevitable stadium future of this scintillating, challenging and magnificent trio.  Review here>

1. Jamie Lenman The Garage, 10th December 2013

Seldom lost for words, this amazing evening all but rendered me pretty much dumstruck. A totally spellbinding, challenging, fierce, comforting, hair-erecting celebration of originality, wit, emotion and charm . (Dodgy rhyming) Review here>

And that's it for 2013. So many amazing shows. So many brilliant bands. So much Jaeger, cider, Sailor Jerry's and Nando's extra hot chicken. So many hangovers. Further confirmation (if needed) that live music is in the rudest of health on our sceptred Isle. 

The top 10 are just that. There were so many other fantastic, moving, spine-tingling and arse-ripping moments, performances and evenings. It would be an absolute cad who wouldn't mention the ever-fabulous Max Raptor, the always superb LTA, Ozzy proggers Karnivool, FFAF, Hold Your Horse Is, the irrepressible and 'orrible Hacktivist tand those dicks The Hell to name but a few.

Before I head off into 2014 with the hope it will be even better, it would be further remiss not to mention two or three festivals that took place this year.

My top three: 

3. The Ashes of Burnout - a last minute scramble to get together an intimate, but ultimately stunning two evenings in Bournemouth in lieu of the tragically cancelled original event and brainchild of the stout magician Mr Dom Patience. Review here>

2. Takedown - probably the lesser known of the alt rock pop up festival season, Nestled in the bossom of Southampton University, this one day magical ride was a masterclass of diverse curation, slick organisation and contagious smiles. Review here>

1. ArcTanGent - the new fest on the block. But what a revelation. Not just the festival of the year, but possibly one of the very best festivals of all time. An astonishing and challenging line up of the cream of the more underground and experimental bands from post rock to math rock and every genre in between. The only commonality os that they were all so, so special. Rollo n next year. Review here>


And that really is it for 2013. Thanks for reading all my word farts and dribbles. More next year. 

Pit pics. 2013's live music in pics.

So, it's almost the end of what's been a stunning year for live and (mostly) loud music. 

Here's a book-type thing I've scrambled together of some of my favourite pissed iPhone shots from just some of the shows I've been lucky enough to have been at.

They're shaky, sketchy and shambolic but from the hip and the heart. Have a look through and you may even regurgitate the taste of Jager, Sailor Jerry's or cider from a plastic glass.

Big love to all the bands. The pics are all free to steal, share make into chest piece tats or put on commemorative mugs.

Hacked to pieces - Hacktivist at The Underworld - Live Review

Hacktivist *****
The Algorithm *****
Zoax ***1/2**

Camden Underworld 12th December 2013

Zoax ***1/2**
Adam Carroll and his band of loveable rogues serve up a bouncing, bumping, grinding and thoroughly enjoyable spicy soup starter on tonight's quite varied and eclectic festive menu. 

There are certainly hints of Defeater, Letlive and even dirty traces of charred ADTR (without the whiney pop punk croutons). It's heavy but melodic, engaging, energetic and has a reasonable kick. Having seen this lot support techy progmeisters The Safety Fire a couple of months ago, they've clearly moved up a gear even in such a short time.

The bow-tied Carroll, the goblin bastard offspring of Charles Dickens and Robbie Williams is in fine and beguiling form and the appetite is truly whetted as he whips a decent sized early crowd into a decent foam.

The Algorithm *****

I've said it before, so I won't dwell on it, but I just don't get The Algorithm Live. 

The album is sonically sensational and a floor filler at club nights up and down the land. And I bloody love it. But they're not a live act. Nowehere near. Despite the brilliant stick work (when he's not being drowned out by silicon and circuitry-driven blast beats) of Monuments' tub thumper Mike Malyan, it's NOT real. 

There's absolutely zero energy transference from the tiny frame of Rémi Gallego as he twiddles his nobs and farts about on his box of buttons. Yeah the music is ridiculously clever. All Nintendo 8bit infused djenty dance, but ostensibly he's a producer pressing play on his hi-tech iPod.

Saying that, there's a decent horde of Jager and Sambucca-soused yoofs in the pit throwing themselves around dutifully and don't seem to give a shit whether it's 'real' or not. But it all feels a bit school disco. Only when what looks like Hacktivist's bassman Josh Gurner joins in for an impromptu 3/4 reggae drop does it even feel remotely like a band. Or anything vaguely human.

All in all, an anodyne, disappointing and strangely emotionless half an hour that abjectly fails to engender even a flicker of soul or engagement. The lack of a Dj lightshow doesn't aid things either to be honest. But the genius of Gallego really needs to stick to the studio and DJ sets and not try and make the very clever recorded synthetic rock music a physical thing. Or maybe he should get a guitarist. Or, even better, two.

Hacktivist *****

So it's time for some filth and real, raw emotion and guts to lift our wilted spirits up off the (dance) floor. And it's down to 5 street killers, back street abortionists and mean looking 'orrible bastards with more attitude than a really pissed of Tasmanian devil being stung on the bellend by a swarm of killer hornets. Enter Milton Keynes' dysfunctional bare-knuckled ninja collective to do the job.

Right from the off, the twin-barrelled rap of Ben Marvin and J Hurley backed with razor sharp, precise and heavy as undrained balls djenty bombast hits the spot and wins over the machine gun beating hearts of the baying, writhing, sweating, tumultuous mob.

For a band with so little work to choose from in their cannon (albeit every tune they do have is pretty much of classic status), the quintet put together a perfectly balanced set including one brilliantly aggressive new groove False Idols, the obligatory and always brilliant version of Niggas In Paris, favourites like Blades, Unlike Us, Cold Shoulders, their eponymous 'theme tune' Hacktivist and the middle finger in the air inspiring fuck you to the system anthem, Elevate.

The intensity of the pit during every song is another level. Stage diving, crowd surfing, frenzied and dizzying circle pits and sweat literally raining down from the smeggy, grime-laden ceiling: and it's fucking fantastic. The 'orrible bastards on stage seem to be enjoying it too, although it's always difficult to know whether guitarist Timfy James is ever happy as he wears that permanent I've got my foreskin caught in my zip, Wayne Rooneyesque 'fuck you' scowl.

Another truly breathtaking and brilliant performance from this most unholy Frankenstein/chimera/crossbred/inbred/fucked up monster cementing themselves further as one of the very best must-see live bands in the land. Even though they're fucking 'orrible,  mean-looking sons of bitches. They're probably nice to their mums though.

Muscles and fond memories. Live review of Jamie Lenman at The Garage

Jamie Lenman *****

Castrovalva ***1/2**

Kill Chaos *****

The Garage, Islington, Tuesday 10th December 2013

Must be the sherry, but so moved by Mr Jamie Lenman’s performance at The Garage, I’ve suicidally decided to write up tonight’s astonishing show in rhyme. Obviously bad rhyme. But rhyme. Must be a bigger idiot than I thought.

Kill Chaos *****

A raw and growly trio

Soaked in bile and brio.

Thee lads who play with passion

And in a chuggy, noisy fashion.

In truth they’re nothing new

But they know a thing or two

About progressions, beats and tunes;

And they dance around like loons.

All-in-all a damned fine set

Of energy and vigour

And when Chris Coulter joins them

Their sound gets much, much bigger.

So they’re not going to change the world,

But they raise a fair old grin.

Get toes a tapping, hands  a clapping

And that’s a bloody good place to begin.

Castrovalva ***1/2**

Noise rock with a spacey edge.

The singer’s hair looks like a hedge.

They must smoke bongs and take a drink

This trippy noise it makes one think.

All fierce and Methed it comes across

Like some weird hadean cross

Somewhere between Coheed and Tomassi

With a big hairy bloke but no sexy lassie.

With a scream and a voice like the Doctor’s K9

The thunderous noise far from benign

This tortured din comes right from the gut

But truth be told, it’s off its fucking nut.

Discomfort oozes from every pore

As the level never drops leaving ears (and cocks) raw

The Cher Vocoder raises an eyebrow

But you know what?

….It works.

Somehow.

Jamie Lenman *****

Holy fuck

And holy crap

What a night has been conjoured

By this renaissance chap.

A banjo strum one minute, molten metal the next

The mix so heady, bizarre and complex.

This chap all foppish, rocks everyone’s boat

And raises the roof, in his magician’s waistcoat.

There are songs fierce and fizzy

Most new, but some old

The pit drools and gets busy

As sideways stories are told.

A Shotgun House here and a broken heart there

Emotions are febrile and psyches laid bare.

There’s an unholy balance of hard rock, so raw

With choirs singin’ shanties and folk sounds of yore.

The effect is astonishing; agog jaws hitting floors

With old favourites sung back - every word as a roar.

This magic is truly unique and so smart

Cleverly ripping out guts while massaging the heart.

As near to perfection as live music can be

Mr Lenman: a true genius and tonight all agree

Quite tearful and mangled with nerve endings exposed

Replete, we all head onto Holloway Road.

A night that forever will live fond in the mind

A genius. A scholar. A true one of a kind.

Mr Lenman has set the bar so unreasonably high.

There won’t be many a show better ‘til the day that I die.

Do the Brocomotion - Live Review of Don Broco at The Roundhouse

Don Broco *****
Bad Rabbits *****

The Roundhouse, Chalk Farm, 7th December 2013

Sadly, due to the ridiculously enormous queue of pre-pubescent Smirnoff Ice swilling yoofs halfway down Camden High Road, a fully booked Nando's and the draw of some delicious Cantonese scoff, I didn't arrive in time for the first support tonight, so apologies to Lonely The Brave.

Anyway, into the cavernous magnificent space that is the Roundhouse. The early turn out is astonishing with the massive floorspace pretty much filled to capacity for the supports. It's great for music when people can actually be arsed to show up for the other bands on the bill and certainly adds to the carnival atmosphere that's already dripping from the cast-iron architecture.

Bad Rabbits *****

A funk/fusion/R&B groove with John Mayeresque guitar work strikes up and the packed crowd shuffle soulfully in anticipation. Then the wizard arrives. Frontman Fredua Boakye resplendent in 70s Hot Chocolate goggles, a fuck off goldie looking chain that looks like it came of the drive shaft of a pimped up gilt Escalade and a black sack cloth smock launches into a note perfect, spine tingling incantation and we're off.

There's sass, soul, funk and jazzy beauty in da Roundhouse and the youthful pop rocking, Hype-wearing masses are spellbound. The warm and unquestioning acceptance is as heart warming as it is odd: 2013, old school soul-infused jazz funk at a so-called 'relevant' alt pop rock show? Why? How?

But it works a treat. The musicianship is so spot on, and mixed up, there are moments of Return To Forever, Gil Scott Heron, Al Green and even Guru (mercifully without resorting to tiresome and hackneyed rap). A true fusion and experimental leap of faith that pays off in toe tapping, goose-necking, mirth-making style.

Boakye is loving it throughout, leaping about, crowd surfing, shimmying and leading the rest of the band in syrupy smooth synchronised moves that ooze more cool than an industrial meat fridge. In an ice hotel. In Siberia. On the coldest day since records began. And that's cool.

The singles are given airings with the ridiculously catchy We Can Roll and the sarcastic saccarine-soused schmaltzy Fall In Love forming huge sing-a-long highlights. And Boakye is the perfect ringmaster throughout; cajoling, enthusing and seducing the Lynx-scented scene kid crowd to join in, sway, clap, jump and even shout 'butt cheeks'.

A wonderful, razor sharp and über cool fluffer before the main Broco sex fest. 

Don Broco *****
By now, the scent of Lynx and WKD Blue has been replaced by a cloying stench of teenage anticipation as the house lights dim and on march their Home Counties heros to a bleepy, wobby, synthy fingering before the huge single You Wanna Know fully penetrates and plunges deeply into the supplicant and moistened hormone-soaked soft squishy bits. Every word is sung and shrieked back by the pre-orgasmic writhing throng. And they love it. They fucking love it.

And the rogering continues apace. Banger after banger culled from the remarkable 2012 tour de force Priorities and the excellent Big Fat Smile ep/mini album are woven into a cleverly constructed and seductive set smoothly moving between soft and slow thrusts to hanging-from-the-chandelier-reverse-cowgirl battery; with a run up.

The energy level in this most enormous boudoir is unrelenting and powerful. Like a Viagra-powered gang bang or endless Bukkake party, no orifice is left unpenetrated, no flesh unmolested or left unglazed by love juice and luke warm liquid lad fat. The overall collective climaxing is contagious and the quartet seem to be loving the priapic power they're waving in the joyous faces as much as the adoring and willingly defiled masses themselves.

Of course, there's the obligatory push ups in the middle of the pre-Big Fat Smile metallic minge-tinged mosh Thug Workout (in which Bad Rabbits' frontman Dua gets involved wearing an Arsenal shirt), pantomime-esque sing-a-longs in the infectious as the pox anthem Yeah Man and the walk in the last of the triple encore, the mighty Priorities, but the lads have kept things spicy and fresh. 

There's no predictable missionary Sunday morning shag here, cracking oldies like I'm Good and Top Of The World are mixed up with the brooding magnificence of You Got It Girl and power rock pop party starter Fancy Dress to keep things fresh and to inject a variety of positions, pace and techniques.

The lads from McBusted are in the crowd tonight and hopefully are cribbing notes from the Broco Sutra. This is high-end sexual gymnastics and perfected, sustained, showy-offy performance and by the time Priorities finishes in a great big gooey, sweaty, gushy orgasmic love puddle there are 4,000 or so very tender, raw, satiated and right royally fucked happy punters all in need of cigarettes and a damn good snooze. Just not in the wet bit.

Don Broco have experienced a heady and almost meteoric rise over the last 18 months or so; and hugely deservedly so. Their loveable blend of poppy hooks, rocky backbone and balls and no small amount of enormously clever phrasing, relevant and sardonic lyricism (when they're not yelling about poonani) sets them apart from, well, just about everyone else. They may come over as clean-cut, cheeky chappies, but they're a clever, brutal, hung like an industrial vacuum pump rogering machine. And tonight I'm privileged to have been one of the massively satisfied fuckees. 

Brilliant stuff. Need a lie down. Just for a bit. Ow. 

Oh, if you're interested (but let's be honest, why would you really be?), here's my take on th etop albums and Eps of 2013. And those Broco boys are certainly in the EP mix! Have a look here>

2013 - the yummy bits. The best albums and EPs of the year

The very best and truly most edifyingly scrumptious bits of 2013.

Top 10 Albums
So, it seems it's de rigeur for the world, his wife, significant other, lodger and gimp under the floorboards to thumb through the hamper of mouthwatering musical morsels and give everyone their opinion on what constitutes the very best. Not that anyone really gives a flying coffee bean-laden civet shit about what anyone really thinks. But here goes.

Now, I'm sure I've left some out. And forgotten some. But here's my tastebud tingling top ten. Rock tastic.

10. One Of Us Is The Killer - Dillinger Escape Plan

First in the hamper this year is DEP's latest firecracker pot of curious Gentleman's Relish. A whole heap of complex flavours, textures and piquant burning sensations. A terrific progression for New Jersey's mathmess magicians. There's familiar fare with feverish, febrile metallically-tinged mayhem but then a freshly tempered experimental lush jazz fusiony butteriness. 

Tasting notes: Not for the basic palate. Sophisticated but enormously spicy, challenging and fiery. Will cause indigestion on an unsuspecting and empty stomach. 

9. The Blackest Beautiful - Letlive
On opening the latest can of Letlive bisque, you kind of expect a rough and ready, heavy, huge but often indistinct flavoured melange. But this time there's a million different challenging and often bewildering reference points. Swinging wildly between high voltage metalcore/hardcore to hi-nrg dance-infused-auto-tuned, multi-layered-popcorny-pop-schlock. And even rappy/dubby bits. 

It really shouldn't work. But it does. There are huge swathes of Fall Out Boy-esque harmonic complexity, infused with Glassjaw and Minor Threat then put into the blender with Enter Shikari and Whitechapel. But the most lingering aftertaste is honesty. Bollocks-out, peeled back transparency. A truly wonderful if not wholly unexpected experience.

Tasting notes: Like one of those crazy and wanky restaurants serving ragoux and ballotines of animals that you'd normally find in a zoo, on the face of it, potentially unpalatable and downright weird. But the result is an enormously raw, powerful and, at times, strangely beautiful dish.

8. Mother's Ruin - Max Raptor

Right, poncey bisques and relishes to one side, time to pop open a can of foaming punky pilsner. And what a kick. Intelligently brewed with the initial wife-beater headiness and numbing punky strength hiding a brooding and cynical sharpness and sophistication, this is world class brain damage.

Politically and satirically as impossibly sharp as those bastard carpet grippers, any superficial froth or head is soon blown off a deep and curious but heart-warming brew. Heavy in parts but fused with wonderfully familiar anthemic and chest-beating abandon. This Midlands ale gets you all Glaswegian and stripping down to the waist and yelling out of windows pointing fingers like bag ladies and grimacing like you've got yer nob caught in your zip. 

Tasting notes: Powerful, lively, fun, surprisingly sophisticated with a real punch. The strongest, overproof rum-soused in yer face fuck off party punch. You looking at me pal?

7. Wild Light- 65DaysofStatic

After the heady brutal brew, it's time to mix grain with grape. Time to ease the cork out of the latest vintage offering from these most consumate of twiddlers, fiddlers, tweakers and soundscape seducers. 

This is new world zinginess and cleverness mixed with a mind-expanding depth and beauty. Real beauty. There are so many swirling flavours, top notes, base notes and every hemi-demi-semi quaver in between. At times beyond description, smoothness mixed with erratic and jaggedy acidity and full-bodied, hairy-testicled grunt. 

Tasting notes: Seriously heady and mind-altering potency underpinned with a delicious smooth, sophisticated but never clinical or synthetic sterility. Lose your head. Lose your inhibitions. But, whatever you do, don't lose your king sized rolling papers. Man.

6. Muscle Memory - Jamie Lenman
Where do you start? Where do you finish? Superficiality first; this is  the most sumptuous and beautifully crafted packaging in this year's hamper by a mile. But once the packaging is peeled open, what a thing. What a two things. 

The first layer of this delicious and dizzying cake is jam-packed with grenades, evil incendiary devices, trip wires, polonium, 7" stiletto blades, Bazooka shells, shit-tipped sharpened sticks and, well, tears. The emotionally saturated ingredients are blitzed with gravel, double-coil pick ups, drain cleaner and red fire ants and the results are outstanding. Challenging? Yes. Easy on the ear? Not always. Outré? You bet. But outstanding? Thoroughly.

Then we move onto the second layer of this Lewis Carol-like Hadean gateau. And it's buttery. Creamy. Delicious. Sumptuous. Clever. Heartfelt. Honest. Bizarre. But like the top layer, equally outstanding. Swing, bluegrass, George Formby, big band, Burlesque. All in the magimix with the accent on magi.

The former Reuben chef has outdone himself. Such brave and challenging cuisine deserves to be at the top table and Muscle Memory is without a doubt one of the bravest, cleverest and intriguing offerings of the year. 

Tasting notes: A seemingly vile and incompatible marriage of nob-melting chilli and tongue mollifying buttery Victoria sponge. A brave and challenging triumph. 

5. Letters Home - Defeater

Next in the hamper are an overseas delicacy from the Americas. And it's certainly not in an aerosol, a blister pack or smothered in syrup. A jagged rusty can filled to the brim with raw hardcore punk flavoured pork and beans with an haute cuisine twist.

Massachussetts may have given the world chocolate chip cookies and cranberries, but this is far more rarified and sophisticated fare. Ok, you can't dip it in your tea and it won't help with cystitis, but Letters Home should be in everyone's food and medicine cupboards. An unholy union of hardcore and concept album sounds like ship's biscuits smothered in finest caviar. But, it produces a wholly original and stunning sensation.

Moving stories from the Civil War are told through family letters and the effect is jaw-dropping. Whereas most lyrical ingredients in hardcore are sublimated to the effect of the overall visceral output, this masterpiece captivates from the first delicious mouthful to the last. And takes you on an historical, eye-opening journey on the way.

Tasting notes: savage and uncompromising delivery, mercifully short on foam and froth, a surprisingly deep and beautiful delicious heart wrapped in searing and acidic heat, meat and gristle. Bloody delicious. And thought-provoking.

4. You're Listening To The Hell - The Hell

Fried cunt. Cooked by cunts. For cunts. Shit. But addictive shit.

Tasting notes: Cunt.

3. Sempiternal - Bring Me The Horizon
After opening with care and, to be honest not much expectation, this assortment box of metal(core?) biscuits has to be the surprise taste sensation of the year. 

To be honest, BMTH are a bit like sprouts to me. I've never been that keen. They don't taste great, make the living room stink and give you unpleasant grumblings in the gut. But loads of people swear by them and have seen something in them that, like sprouts, fail to get my tastebuds dripping.

Until Sempiternal, that is. What a pleasant and unexpected taste sensation. Brutal in parts. Obnoxious in others. But so skilfully blended into an almost perfect example the dream selection tin with sweetness, spice, crunch, layers and surprises. Metal may not be my personal thang, but this is as good as the dark art gets. A true masterpiece of its genre.

Tasting notes: Salty as a sailor's dick, as sweet as Rachel Riley's peachy butt cheeks, as heavy as a lead box full of weapon's grade uranium or Chris Moyle's lunch box and as hot as Dave Lee Travis's brow every time the doorbell rings. 

2. 13.0.0.0.0 - TTNG
As we get to the very best stuff in this year's groaning hamper, it's time to get all truly sophisticated and reach for a seriously vintage, premier cru glass.

So, they changed their name as a sensitive fuck you to gun nuts, weirdos, NRA ignoramuses and AK47 toting survivalist rednecks, but what else did this most revered and classy producer bring the world this year? 

From the first delicious drop to pass the lips from this wonderful magnum to  the very last fading bubble, 13.0.0.0.0 delivers a sublime and almost orgasmic complexity and beauty. With new vocalist Henry 'Hank' Tremain joining the family, there was a slight nervousness that previous vintages couldn't be matched. We needn't have worried.

The technical wizardry and complexity that underpins this sublime deliciousness never gets in the way of its immediacy and breathtaking gorgeousness. There's light, shade, energy, seduction, pathos, spit and beautiful balance throughout. A truly world class and de luxe bottle of sparkling originality and genius.

Tasting notes: not for lager drinkers, Lambert and Butler smokers or ready meal eaters. This is sophisticated, frail, wonderful and sparkling nectar and should be drunk with absolute reverence and care. Cheers indeed.

1. Blood & Chemistry - Arcane Roots

So, here we are. The biggie. The last box in the hamper. And what a box. Of all the delicious goodies in this year's hamper, Blood & Chemistry is the one for me that stands out for so many reasons.

Not the least, because it has been purposely and meticulously prepares as an entire feast. Not a selection of nibbles, tapas or two or three big numbers surrounded by burger helper or lips and arseholes. This is premium mouth-watering fare throughout. And with all the trimmings.

The very way the album has recurring motifs (lyrically and musically with back references, arcs, repeating chord progressions and themes) sets it apart from so much of the vanilla and pot boilers rammed with prescribed numbers of tracks that so much output laboriously conforms to.

Marry that with the fact that it's been constructed as a single flowing listen with the tracks cleverly and beautifully merged and segued into each other with drones, decaying notes and clever transitions seamlessly leading one from course to course and, hallelujiah, we actually have an album. A complete multi-course considered and lip-smacking banquet. 

In an age of playlist and mixtape dominated listening mores, it's such a beautiful and rare thing to find such a wonderfully conceived and concocted masterpiece. And that's what Blood & Chemistry truly is. 

Veering from sheer power and mind melting riffs to lighter cadenzas and melodic reveries, this, for me is so clearly not only the best album of 2013, but the only true album. Of course the songs all stand alone (and there's not a slack track on it) but the total effect outweighs the individual brilliance and diversity. 

Astonishing. Truly astonishing.

Tasting notes: An 11 (or 12 if you've got the deluxe version) course banquet of astonishing and unrelenting quality. Huge flavours, beautiful, more delicate moments and heady, mesmerising technical skill and flamboyance married with an earthy, raw power and strength that all comes together to produce a perfectly balanced and tantalising mix. Perfection. Bloody perfection.





Honourable mentions.
It's really tough putting together just 10. So, here are a few more world class albums that didn't quite make the hamper:

Siganals - Mallory Knox
A Dan Lancaster-produced slick pop rocky masterpiece with anthems and hooks aplenty. As near to a commercial version of Proceed as we'll ever get. God, I miss them.

Dreamoirs - Dave McPherson
A wonderful, heartfelt, dreamy (funny that) and personal anthology from rock and roll's hardest working and most likeable bloke, InMe front man Dave McPherson. All made possible by his dedication, ridiculous work ethic and dedication to the outstanding Pledge music scheme. 

Asymmetry - Karnivool
The latest chapter in the Tool-inspired Aussie proggers' masterworks collection. All slick, big-boned, grown up serious stuff with the obligatory sing-a-long bits taking more of a back seat in this sophisticated and complex volume.

Great Lakes - John Smith
As good as folk gets. Just wonderful throughout. Plaintive, fragile, beautiful, joyous and uplifting stuff from the bastard living son of Jansch, Martyn and Drake. Spellbinding stuff.

Opposites - Biffy Clyro
A true epic from the Caledonian epic mongers. A lifetime of couch sessions with Mr Neil couldn't get anywhere as near as this window-opening, soul searching, organ and emotion-revealing journey into his oft tortured and unsettled psyche. Brilliant stuff.

Old Souls - Deaf Havana
My, haven't they grown up? A Ferrari-like acceleration into adulthood and all its travails both musically and personally see the erstwhile East Anglians produce a truly grown up and thoroughly well-crafted blue collar collection of angst-ridden emotionally charged splendour. And I didn't mention Springsteen once. Oops.

Nation - TRC
Nasty but brilliant and raw British hardcore (none of that whiney trans Atlantic shit to see here people!) at its very best. Much more sophisticated than initially meets the ear. A truly original and challenging album. One of the year's very best. 

The Top 5 EPs and singles:

Right, time for the smaller stuff that's too tasty not to mention. You know, the widows and orphans of the hamper. The weird little sauces and tins of weirdness that don't fit in with the larger family packs - in short, the wonderful tunes and mini anthology EPs that didn't appear on full length albums.

5. #Spomb (Love Me) - Shockmaster
Skate punk, surf punk, pop punk, #spomb punk. Whatever it is, its lively, fun, aggressive and doesn't take itself too seriously. Well, with Mike Foster driving this bin wagon, what else is it going to be? 

4. Glass Cutter - Polar
Guildford's scene has never been healthier and while bands like Palm Reader and Polar continue to mature and develop without losing even a whiff of their appealing ragged edge, things can only get even better. And if this brilliant and fierce track is a taster of what's to come of the much talked about new album, then we're in for a brilliant 2014.

Adam Woodford's growls and screams have been imbued with melody (you 'eard) and the effect is somewhere between While She Sleeps and TRC but retaining Polar's signature originality and appeal. 

3. Funemployed - Gnarwolves
Brighton's bright young things of the skate punk/pop punk brotherhood produced a box bursting with bangers full of rawness, edge, fun and phlegm (and probably a bit of THC eh lads?). Real street music kept real. Wonderful.

3= Management - Delta Sleep
Three letters: BSM. Big Scary Monsters have helped to unearth yet another slice of complete genius. This was so close to being my no1because of its consistency. Every track on Management is a different colour, a different texture. Yes, its mathy. Yes it's complex and brilliantly, technically played. But it's also catchy, a bit dirty, even a bit punky. Whatever the fuck it is, it's original, brilliant and captivating. If you've not caught these chaps (and chapess) live yet, you have a donut hole in your middle. Fill it immediately. 

2= I Could Be Anyone - Yearbook

Too little output from such an original, classy and wonderful young band. But we've had to make do with this single offering during 2013 (assuming the equally wonderful Art Student was 2012 - brain's a bit rubbish - if it was 2013, then make it joint 2nd with this absolute banger). A heavy chugger, all frenzy, puke and muck but glued together by the ever-tight and impressive rhythm section of Mssrs Dickinson and Martin while Brooker and Halloway do what they always do best: stretch, cajole and caress our organs, senses and squishy bits. Can't wait for the impending long player from these loveable tyros.

2= The Move. Shake. Hide. - Marmozets
Sheer brilliance from the mathy tykes. Guitars, huge choruses, melody, counterpoint, menace, grit, smiles and bowel-massaging power. As good as pop rock math mash ups will ever get. Bloody wonderful.

1. You Wanna Know - Don Broco
Slick, sexy, power pop rock imbued with a simmering sophistication that often goes unnoticed. Loveable ladcore loveliness from the clean-cut quartet who can do no wrong. Unashamedly catchier than Chlamydia and guaranteed to put a smile on even the grizzliest bearded hipster face. With the almost deified Mr Lancaster driving the desk again. Go on, I best you you can listen to it without smiling or joining in with the oo oos.


2013.
Well, that's it. Purely personal choice. And a year in which we've been pretty spoilt by the recorded output. UK rock in particular is certainly alive and kicking and with new music in the pipeline for next year from bands like Spycatcher, Polar, Yearbook, LTA, Don Broco, Trails, Maybeshewill and Hey Vanity among many, many others, then the future's looking seriously bright.